Monday, May 4, 2015

What We Thought We Wanted

When I was just about 5 weeks pregnant with Wesley (just a smudge on the ultrasound!),
I developed a severe case of tonsillitis.
I was concerned about the well-being of our rapidly forming baby, and as my fever took off and my sore throat became more and more severe until it was almost unbearable, we started to wonder if my illness warranted a doctor's visit.
But, as often happens in our family, the sickness reached its peak on a weekend.
And on a graduate student budget, emergency room visits are nothing to trifle with.

As I researched some of my symptoms online, I became convinced I had something called a peritonsillar abscess...a condition that can cause death if not treated.
We determined that I should see a doctor first thing in the morning, but in the meantime, the pain was constantly knife-like, and we had read that if the abscess ruptured it could be very dangerous.
As we knelt together in prayer, Sam prayed for my well-being and specifically prayed that the abscess would not rupture.
At that precise moment, there was a sudden 'pop' and change in my throat, and the pain declined drastically. I was able to sleep that night, and the next morning I told Sam that I felt kind of silly calling the doctor because I felt so much better.
We decided it would still be worthwhile for me to visit the specialist, and as he talked with me about my symptoms and examined my throat, he explained that I did indeed have an abscess but that it had ruptured. When I told him it had swollen to the point that I could hardly breathe while laying down, he looked at me with shock and told me I was very lucky to be alive and that I was very fortunate the abscess had ruptured (despite the risks that went along with that).
Apparently I was in even worse condition than we had realized.

I've thought about this experience a lot.
Isn't it interesting that the abscess ruptured at the precise moment we were praying it wouldn't?
And why?
Because God knew our hearts, He knew our true desires, and He knew what was ultimately best for us.
So even though He didn't answer my prayer in the way we had planned,
His answer proved to be far more in our favor.

Prayer is something I definitely have a testimony of, and I'm learning more and more to surrender my will to Heavenly Father's, because He knows us and our situations so much more fully than we ourselves do.
And He knows what will ultimately bring us the greatest joy.


  1. I thought this was an announcement for baby #4. Don't put ultrasound pictures on top of blog posts! :)

    1. Haha, what a funny/sad title that would be for a baby announcement! And, by the way, I wouldn't tell you something like that through a BLOG post! You need never be alarmed by ultrasound photos. :)

  2. I thought the same thing as Breanne. That's okay though, I will wait to hear what I am hoping for. I hope the #4 will be a beautiful little girl, just like her mommy. I, too, know the power of prayer and how the answers we receive are not always the desire of our hearts. Without giving too much detail, I will tell you of a situation that I was in, and how, when Heavenly Father wanted me to remove myself from it, He literally told me what I needed to do, so clearly, that I heard Him as if He stood next to me. As I was working in my garden in Idaho, I heard Him say that I needed to look in a specific place. That place was locked so I told Him that if He wanted me to do so, I would need to know where another key was. And as clear as day, I heard where it was. It was in a place that I would NEVER have imagined. And sadly I did find what He wanted me to see. Not long after that I heard Him tell me to look on the computer, but to do so I needed an old floppy disc; and it had to be a specific one. Again, I would have spent an eternity looking for it. I told Him that I needed to know where it was, and again, instantly He told me, and again, sadly I found what He wanted me to see. Father had taken me to this place to give his son one last chance to turn his life around and when the time came, and He was ready to remove me from this place, He flat out told me. Although it was not what I wanted, I knew, without any doubt whatsoever, that I had to obey His wishes. The brother of this man had given him a blessing that said that if he didn't turn his life around that he would not be alive much longer and his chance to repent in this life would be over. This past February, I learned that he died alone in his home and had been dead for days before his body was discovered. This April would have been 6 years since I left him. During those 6 years I had reoccurring dreams that I was back there and I could see all of these horrible people in his home. Father told me that they were evil spirits and that they had been welcomed in and that they would not leave because this man would not tell them to. I wrote to him telling him about the dreams, as he knew of my close relationship with Father and Christ. Still, nothing changed, and I knew his end was coming quickly. When I lived there, I could feel these evil spirits when the man was home. They followed him. He was a descendant of Joseph Smith, and he came from a wonderful family. It just shows that Satan can get to anyone if they allow him to. It also shows that Heavenly Father can get to anyone, if they let Him in.


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