Shortly after we learned we were expecting Benson, a darkness descended upon me and life took on a bleakness I had never before experienced.
All throughout my pregnancy, I struggled to see light and to feel hope.
I knew it was probably a result of hormonal changes but wondered if there was more to it than that.
In addition to the darkness, I was filled with fear that the despair would not go away with the birth of my baby and that I would remain in a state of inexplicable gloom for the remainder of my life.
When Benson was born, the switch that had been flipped with my pregnancy was blessedly flipped back to normal. I spent the first few days of his life primarily cuddling him in bed, healing both my body and my spirit.
I have struggled to understand and process the complex array of thoughts and feelings that came from that experience, and I will not even begin to attempt to give words to them right now.
But suffice it to say that I learned that my perspective of the world is so very limited.
My eyes were opened to a walk of life I had never seen, and one I had previously prayed to better understand.
Benson, you brought into my life a great deal more depth and understanding.
You helped me recognize how little I see.
Your development initially filled me with darkness and then, overnight, cast it away with light.
You left me a little more somber but also more wise.
Your existence has most assuredly changed me eternally for the better.
You see the world with wonder, curiosity, determination, and innocence, and you open my eyes to that which surrounds me.
Happy birthday, baby boy!
You shine so brightly.
I couldn't love you more!