Monday, December 15, 2014

Can I Be a Mother of Young Children Forever?


It is 11:00 pm.
I fold the last pair of footed pajamas and wearily drag myself into the bedroom,
wondering how many hours I have before a child rouses me from slumber with their cries.
As I pull back the covers and climb into bed, I sigh.
Someone has been here before me.
With crackers.
Climbing out of bed, I brush the cracker crumbs away and burrow under the covers once more.

My day has been filled with wiping up spills,
soothing cries,
picking up (and stepping on) toy cars,
and changing diapers.
My house isn't the picture of cleanliness I always imagined,
my hair has peanut butter in it,
and my boys polished off a pan of brownies hours earlier when I accidentally dozed off.

But I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face,
my life more fulfilled than it has ever been before.
And while I know there is much to enjoy about every stage of life,
there's a big part of me that wishes I could be a mother of young children forever.

Because watching them grow means I get to re-live my childhood.
Because they teach me each day with their innocently profound questions.
Because they are young enough that a hug and a kiss can make anything better.
Because all of my boys still love cuddling under a fluffy blanket with their mom.
Because I get to experience first-hand their pure spirits--so pure they can't even be tempted.
Because they love unconditionally and forgive immediately.
Because the funny things they say continually bring smiles to my face.
Because they still need me--and it feels good to be needed.
Because they teach me to see the magic in life's simple pleasures.
Because the worries I have about their well-being are almost entirely physical worries--I know that bad behavior is an opportunity to teach, not yet a sign of rebellion.
Because while their needs are constant, they are simple.
Because they don't yet care if their gifts came from the the dollar store.
Because they don't understand comparison with their friends--they are thrilled with whatever good fortune comes their way, from new pencils to 50-cent hot wheels cars.
Because I get to shape their sense of "normal," to carve out new traditions, and to create a blissful yet instructive childhood that will hopefully prepare them to face life's challenges head-on.
Because I know that, to some small degree, I hold the future in my hands.

So even though temper tantrums are the norm,
my body is continually aching from everlasting stretching, bending, tripping, and hauling,
my home will never be crumb-free,
and I can't read more than one story without falling asleep from exhaustion...

I cherish these little years.

4 comments:

  1. This is sweet! I love it! :) I always love your perspective on motherhood. I totally would have polished off that pan of brownies if my mom dosed off too ;)

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    Replies
    1. Haha, I really didn't blame them...I was just kind of sad there were none left for me! :)

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  2. You gave me goosebumps. I only have one boy right now, but I go to bed every night cherishing this time with my little person. He is pure and makes me a better person every single day. I'm so glad you moved into our ward!

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